I don’t mean to be a problem but…. At the age of 14 ALL my night terrors were created. The images that revisit in my head are a problem for me. The flashbacks are so vivid and they intrude with such force, that I am always breathless.
The first kiss was more teeth then lips. The force with which he pressed his mouth on mine was so hard that I was bruised for several days afterward.
“You turn me on,” he told me, “only prudes will not relieve the guys they excite. It hurts. Nice girls don’t leave guys with blue balls.”
The time we spent together he spent teaching me how to pleasure him and him alone. If I hesitated, he would tell me not to be a prude. He couldn’t be with a prude.
I would panic at those words….
My training to succumb to those kinds of threats have been completed…“Why can’t you be more like your sister,” my parents would tell me, “she is so well behaved, so good at school. I think it would be best if we just sent you to reform school. Then maybe you would learn just how good you have it.”
“Eric I am not a prude, am I?” I asked him.
Inevitably those times I would be indoctrinated into another method to pleasure him. As if I had to prove my worth to him. He never used his words. He demanded my body to meet his needs, regardless of the pain that it caused me. I never winced. I never moved. I obeyed regardless of the fear that took residence in my heart. I couldn’t be abandoned or rejected yet again!